Burgers! Fries! And Conversation!

“Burger Joe’s” was the victim of yet another drive-by incident recently.

BULL SWAMP SC (CR News) — “If they don’t like drive-by’s, they shouldn’t have a “drive-through.” That’s how one old gentleman described the drive-through at Burger Joe’s recently.

Burger Joe’s is a popular hamburger and gift shop located on the banks of the North Edisto River in the Bull Swamp.

One bystander identified the old man as “Mario,” a friendly, but dogmatic member of a nearby community.

“He’s the kind of man who calls them as he sees them,” Mario’s friend added.

Mario has been identified by the BSPD as the subject of an investigation into the latest drive-by incident to take place at Burger Joe’s.

“I’m a veteran, you see,” Mario told our news team. “I’m hard of hearing. I wear hearing aids from the Veterans Hospital. They don’t work so good with those cheap speakers at Burger Joe’s. Everything sounds garbled!”

According to the old man, he and his wife had stopped to pick up a couple of burgers and some fries. That’s when it all happened.

“It started innocent enough, if you know what I mean” Mario told our team. “People around here do this all the time. But when the guy inside got on the speaker and started talking, we both knew it was time for us to leave!”

“So me and my wife, we just drove away,” he said.

“I didn’t want to keep talking to that machine. I wasn’t raised that way,” he added. “I need to understand what someone is saying in order to be part of a conversation!”

The BSPD issued a brief statement saying that, while they’re still investigating the incident, no charges have been filed, and it’s not likely that any will be filed.

As Mario was pulling out of the parking lot, he had one more comment for our news team.

“The Bible says we’re all better off guarding our mouths. We shouldn’t just flap our lips and beat our gums with meaningless talk,” he said. “I don’t think that’s an exact quote, but that’s what it means to me anyway!”

[EDITORS NOTE: We determined that Mario was most likely referring to Prov 13:3.}

“I’m Catholic,” we could hear Mario saying, as he drove out of sight. “I’m going to live the rest of this week as if everyday was Friday. No more burgers for us — we’re eating fish!”

That’s our story and we’re sticking to it, folks. It’s cool to be Catholic. COOL2B!

Vivat Jesus!

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